The Blueprint Podcast

Welcome back to part two of our two-part examination of how it’s possible to weave fascism into talk of wheelie bins. There’s a sentence you’re unlikely to find anywhere else.

Having talked about a story concerning a man who overfilled his wheelie bin and then saw the fine imposed upon him more than double when he ignored it, we go between the lines and lay into The Daily Mail a bit. Which is always fun. If you like The Daily Mail, you  should still listen, as this episode will give you the feeling you enjoy so much of having your blood boil.

For those listeners who don’t live in the UK, The Daily Mail is a national newspaper with a slightly chequered past and a questionable sense of perspective. That’s about all you need to know in order to feel primed for this episode. Shocking revelations await for those who have never thought too much about British Fascism.

We find time to crack some jokes as well, though, so don’t worry.

In a rarely-acknowledged cut of Superman II, Hitler was sent into the Phantom Zone, with hilarious results.

Come back and see us for Episode 34 on Friday, May 9th (Chris’s birthday!) at 5pm (UK Time)

 Episode 33 - Talking Wheelie Bin Fascism Blues Part Two [32:00m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Episode 32, with its Bob Dylan-style title,  is the first of a two-part Blueprint extravaganza, so make sure you tune in next week to hear part two.

In this first part, we kick off by talking about old audio cassettes. You know, C60, C90 and all that, and bemoan the very existence of the C15, which contained about three feet of audio tape designed purely for putting oldschool computer games on, but later causing frustration when one tried to recycle them as proper music tapes, only to find that only three or four songs would fit on each side. Walkman repitition was the price one paid back in those halcyon days.

Paul Weller has apparently slammed the Glastonbury festival, and we put our twopenneth in on the subject, pointing out that the problems Mr Weller experienced at Glastonbury last year are common to live music performers at all levels in these days of music on demand and cheap best-ofs. Is “ofs” a word? Fasten it securely to “best” with a hyphen, and we’re saying it is.

A strange set of quirky stories follow, in which it’s difficult to spot the hero. What’s going on with people these days? A woman who parks in front of some clearly labelled fire doors gets her car thoroughly vandalised. See what we mean? Who’s done a good thing in that scenario?

Also, a well-covered story about a man who was fined after overfilling his wheelie bin is examined, and that brings us on to the way that stories are reported, and that’s what we’ll talk about a bit more in episode 33, where we’ll be talking about the startling hypocrisy of certain newspapers, and their friendships with the likes of Hitler.

This week, we’ve got a picture of loads of assorted wheelie bins with which to entertain you.

See you next Friday with part two.

 Episode 32 - Talking Wheelie Bin Fascism Blues Part One [34:41m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s Friday again, and time for another meandering stroll through a roughly hacked cross-section of the world with The Blueprint.

In this episode, we dive into a packed agenda with rapid-fire discussion of hot topics like tiddly winks, puppets, cartoons, and of course magpies. These are the things that the world is worrying about these days.

Greg sings Carpenters’ hit Close To You in the style of Kermit the frog, as the natural prelude to talking about Hillary Clinton’s desire to be compared to fictional boxer Rocky Balboa. We can just imagine her shouting, “What about my prime!!!” through frustrated tears, as Bill tells her yet again about how great it was when he won his first election.

A story we can’t explain concerning meteorites leaves us reeling, before we lay into art again, this time lashing out blindly at a Chinese artist who created some art by suspending naked mannequins from a tall building. Greg almost says “bollocks”, but it’s a good save.

Charlton Heston, who went gun in hand to the great movie theater in the sky recently, is discussed, which inevitably leads to Greg revealing his own new movie project, Sexy Planet of the Apes. He’s advertised it here, and the price is one British penny. If you send it by PayPal to greg@blueprintpodcast.com , then he has to make it.

This episode’s visual garnish shows that Hillary Clinton is not only unlike Rocky, but that she isn’t very good at playing ”Guess how many American flags are behind you”.

 Episode 31 - Sexy Planet of the Apes [38:42m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Eternally fascinated by outmoded or controversial viewpoints, Chris and Greg once again search in vain for the elusive unassailable ethical stance on the subjects of sexism, killing for kicks, and patronising visiting tribespeople, whilst examining worldwide usage of the word “nobhead”.

With certain builders being banned from wolf-whistling at passing women, while tourists go on holidays in which they pay to kill animals with a crossbow from the safety of a shed ten feet away, is the world, in fact, just a bit mad? Or is the truth of the matter more to do with the fact that the wolf-whistling builders and hunting tourists are in no way connected, and therefore not responsible for policing one another’s place in the general moral landscape?

It’s a fast-moving episode, so hang onto your hairnet.

For those of you reading this in 1950s America, here’s how to get hold of your very own wolf-whistle before the ban kicks in.

Episode 31 will be on the Internet equivalent of “the air” at 5pm (UK time), on Friday, April 18th.

 Episode 30 - They Love It Really [30:59m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

As promised, we’re being a lot more conscientious with our podcasting, and episode 29 is here but one week from the last one. We’re going to be good now, honest, no more big gaps.

 In this episode, we span the enormous land mass of conversation which exists between how children speak in groups, encompasses almost all meanings of the word “pilot”, and lands in the airfield of radioactive cats. It’s a wild and crazy ride.

What we have here, friends, is a wombat.

Episode 30 of The Blueprint Podcast will be online at 5pm (UK Time) on Friday, April 11th.

 Episode 29 - Pontius the Radioactive Wombat [36:59m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

With sincere apologies for the gap between episodes, we return with episode 28 of the podcast that the world is calling “an audio podcast from Hartlepool”.

Greg’s got a bee in his bonnet about 1980s pop singer Terence Trent D’Arby and his egomaniacal ways, and we also tackle the minefield of Internet games based on naked women, and a far-too-sensationalised story about a big wheel breaking down for an hour.

We’ll be back in a week - yes, a week - with the next episode, so stay tuned for episode 29, which will be released at 5pm (UK time) on Friday, April 4th.

There’s a picture of Terence Trent D’Arby. For the ladies.

PS - I’ve just Googled Terence Trent D’arby with fascinating results. There’s a lot more to talk about regarding this bloke…

 Episode 28 - The Terence Trent Derby [36:27m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Gosh, what a long delay between episodes. We’re sorry about that.

We’re recording a new episode at the end of this week, and we’ll get it online as fast as its legs will carry it.

In the meantime, anyone who feels the need to call us lazy idiots can do so now, by emailing Greg at greg@blueprintpodcast.com, or Chris at chris@blueprintpodcast.com.

If we get any entertaining ways of calling us lazy idiots, we’ll read them out on the next episode.

This episode takes a definite turn towards zaniness, or possibly even wackiousity. We’re fully aware of the irony following our last episode and its railings against such behaviour. But hey, we’re nothing if not inconsistent.

We take on a breakneck and dare we say rollercoaster ride through a range of subjects in this one, including a woman who claims she’s really old, Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Arrogance, Noises that only teenagers and dogs can hear, and other amusing things.

This episode’s visual aid is related to the wooden supercar of which we speak during the episode. This classic comic-style cartie is all the wooden supercar a boy could ever need.

 Episode 27 - We Hate Ourselves [42:34m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Another episode of The Blueprint Podcast, the premier amusing banter outlet from the North of England, and we’ve got a lot to talk about. Greg goes postal on the subject of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere film Pretty Woman, and both of us discuss alternative careers for the movie prostitute.

We have some terrific music from Antiqcool, who you can find out more about at www.antiqcool.co.uk, and we deride the antics of people who reckon that they are zany, like Su Pollard, Timmy Mallett and a bloke who is a serial name-changer.

A good, meaty episode, but the meat is all free range.

Here’s the cover of Antiqcool’s album Digging For Gold. Check them out, you’ll like them.

 Episode 26 - Hate for the Zany [56:17m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download